Remembering...

Two years ago in January, we learned that the Lord was going to be blessing us with another little munchkin to love!  We were so excited, and nervous at the same time...two in the house?!?  But I think for me, the excitement outweighed the nervousness...from the day I got the positive test, I knew in my heart we would get our first little boy!

A few weeks later, we got some pretty bad news...Caleb had been laid off at work.  I instantly had a ball of fear land in the middle of my stomach.  No job?  I only worked part time, and we had a baby on the way!  The tears ran down my face most of that week, as I though "What are we going to do?"  I knew the standard lines "God will take care of you", "Trust God", and everything else that people who are not in a bad situation (seem) to say to you...and I knew all of that.  I knew to trust God, and I knew He would take care of us.  I'm going to blame it on hormones (ha!) and say that it was VERY VERY hard for me to actually put actions to my faith.  But we got through that hard time, and God decided to put something else into our lives that would REALLY shake my faith and cause me to lean on Him.

March 21, 2010, our dear sweet baby went to be with Jesus early in the morning.  I cannot even begin to tell the pain and emptiness I felt.  As we sat in that hospital room, I didn't even know where to start to begin healing. My heart felt torn in two!  But then, years of growing up in church and knowing the Lord came back to me in just 4 words, "My grace is sufficient".  That became my lifeline.  As soon as I was released, I had so many emotions run through my heart, but the one thing that really was in the front was I wanted to hold my baby girl (who had just turned a year old in November).  I knew how I would go on:  I still had her.  I also realized in the car on the way to get her, that I still had my baby boy too...I knew I would see him again in Heaven (I didn't know for sure it was a boy, but my heart told me it was).  Somehow, I made it through those first few days.

A few days later, I was talking with Caleb, and we decided that we wanted to name our little blessing in Heaven.  We thought and thought, and finally came up with the name Malachi.  It means "Our Angel".  How precious to know that we have our own angel in Heaven, waiting for us!  After we named him, I had a dream that night of a little boy with curly brown hair and bright blue eyes running around golden streets and climbing trees.  I have taken that and it has brought me so much joy!

I found this poem one day, and it has also helped me with coping, as I still struggle (I'm only human!)

God needed and angel in Heaven,
To stand at the Savior's feet,
His choice must be the rarest, 
A lily pure and sweet.

He gazed upon the mighty throng,
Then stopped and picked the best,
Our child was His chosen one,
With Jesus he's now at rest.

Mommy misses you Malachi, and I cannot wait until I get to hold you one day in Heaven.

God continues to bless our family, and not 2 months after we lost Malachi, we learned another little bundle of joy was going to be joining us.  That same month, Caleb got the best job he has ever had!  Fast forward to February 2011, and enter Carter Alan!  He is our miracle baby, our special gift from God.  The Lord has truly blessed our family, and each and every child He has given us is our special gift from Heaven.  I proudly tell people we have THREE children, three gifts from God.  I am blessed with a wonderful husband and a supportive, loving family.  What more could I ask for!

Thank you God, for my many blessings!