Wednesday, November 19, 2014

This is Me

This is me.  This is a work in progress.  This picture was a long time coming.

You see, for the past I don't know how many years, I am the person BEHIND the camera.  To a point, I still am, because let's face it...little kids are WAY cuter than adults, and I have three of the cutest kids EVER!  But if you were to ask me even several months ago, to stand and pose for a picture, I would be trying to stretch my neck, hide behind people, etc., etc., etc.  I MIGHT even go as far to say that I "hated" myself.

I can't tell you when all that started to change.  Maybe the change has been gradual, I'm not quite sure.  But this folks, this is me.  I am 30 years old (yikes!), VERY overweight (working on that!), but I am HAPPY to be me.  That doesn't mean I'm happy I am overweight.  No, I am NOT happy about that, BUT I am happy to live my life the way I was meant to.  I have started changing the overweight part (work in progress, I'm impatient, it's slow, pray for me!) and I am also changing the attitude part.  See, this body has given birth to FOUR children.  For the longest time, I would pretty much yell at myself "look, that momma has had lots of kids too, and look how skinny and fit they are!" But no more.  The yelling is DONE.  That other momma, the one with the fit body, does not have MY body and MY makeup.  So why in the world am I comparing myself to her?  That was a lesson a LONG time in coming.

Self love is something that I have always struggled with.  But there is one person that has REALLY helped me with that, and honestly, I am so grateful for that person.  He has taught me that who cares what people think (even what I think!) because HE loves me and HE thinks I am beautiful.  It has taken a long time, but guess what--now that is all that matters.  To be loved is such a precious gift, one that I am so thankful for each and every day.

I may not be a size 2.  In fact, I am the biggest female in our entire family.  I'm not going to lie and say that doesn't bother me (because it REALLY does) but I have learned not to let it control my life!  I used to be SO unhappy because I looked terrible in any article of clothing I put on, and in every single picture that was taken of me (and there weren't many for that very reason).  But I have since learned one HUGE thing that has changed my perspective forever:  I. AM. LOVED.  I am loved by an amazing man who cares for ME.  I am loved by three ADORABLE children who call me mommy.  I am loved by countless family and friends.  And most importantly, I am loved DESPERATELY by a Father who has loved me with an everlasting love.  That alone is what gives me the smile that I can now put on my face.