Be Still

It's been a while since I have written.  In the times we are living in, I am finding a little bit of extra time to actually do things like read, write, and sing.  It has not been the easiest of times either.  I'm not talking about Covid-19, although it is not the greatest thing to be stuck at home.  I'm talking about my life personally.  Without going into major details, it has been an emotionally trying time for me the past few months.  I had foot surgery (#3!) in December, and since then it has been a roller coaster of feelings and emotions. 

One thing that I have been able to do is really focus on my relationship with God.  As a mom, things can get busy!  And to be completely transparent, God was not a priority.  Looking back now, I see where I was putting other things before Him.  Friendships, activities, hobbies, any number of things.  I ignored the prompting of the Holy Spirit to bring Him first.  And I am regretting those lost years.  But it's time to look forward, and I am so excited to share what I have been learning.  

1. Getting my priorities straight.  Something most people struggle with, honestly.  You have to get them right, don't you?  When you are a Christian, and you do not put God as a priority in your life, things get MESSED UP.  It is SO so easy to push God aside, and say, "well this is more important."  But when we have our priorities with God lined up right, it's amazing how everything else just lines up!

2. The call to separation.  It's hard to be in the world but not of the world.  And I have admitted to myself that in the past few years of my life, I had slipped into a complacent place with things in my life and being separate from things of the world.  I'd find ways to justify what I was doing.  And I would tell myself, "oh this isn't bad.  It's not like you are getting drunk or cheating on your spouse or murdering anyone."  But when I sat down to really think of what I was letting myself say and think, the Holy Spirit said, "Sin is sin is sin."  Gossip, talking bad about people, complaining, pretending to be someone I wasn't just to "fit in"....I was done.  I was tired of being someone I was not just to "keep friends".  By getting into God's Word and surrounding myself with people who helped me get closer to God was when I realized something had to change.  I needed to separate from those things that were bringing me down (ahem, #1).  It was affecting my health, and as I look back now, I see where the whole time God was saying "should you be speaking this way?  Should you be talking bad about that person?  Should you be complaining about your spouse? Is it really that important to you to feel like you belong?  You belong to ME!"  And that still small voice, saying "be still, listen to Me...I am here" was getting louder and making more sense.  Am I "there"?  No way.  But my eyes have been opened to the truth of how influential the people around you really are!  It's a lifelong journey.

3. New discoveries.  I am doing a Bible study now in the book of Genesis called God of Creation, by Jen Wilkin, and I am learning so much about things I have never even thought of before!  When you hear "be fruitful and multiply", what do you think of?  Babies, right?  Check that off our list!  We were fruitful and multiplied, done! But in the lesson this week, the teacher brought up something I had NEVER thought of.  What about the single women, or the women dealing with infertility?  How can they be fruitful and multiply?  And then she went on to say that God spoke that to His Creation.  We are ALL to ALWAYS be fruitful and multiply.  And how do we do that?  Love.  Joy. Peace. Long-suffering. Gentleness. Goodness. Meekness. Faith. We should always be striving to produce these fruits in our lives.  Multiply those fruits.  What a challenge we have been given! 

No one has arrived.  We are all works in progress.  Works to bring glory to God.  I pray that in my life I never get to the point again when I compromise or am complacent.  I pray that for the rest of my life God shapes me, molds me, challenges me to be the best I can be FOR HIS GLORY.  

My encouragement?  Listen to the prompts of the Holy Spirit.  Don't push them aside for another day.  You will never know how full your life will be when you have God leading your steps every day!

Finding God in the Loneliness

There's a song that I grew up singing, and the chorus goes something like this:

Jesus never fails, 

Jesus never fails,

Heaven and Earth may pass away,

But Jesus never fails.

Have you ever been in a crowded room, and felt so completely and utterly alone?  That just blows my mind how that can be.  But I can tell you I have experienced it more times than I can count.  It always seems to come in waves, and those days are some of the darkest days that I go through.  It's so easy to say, well, God is always with you, you know that, just lean on Him!  Yes, that is what we are supposed to do...but how often do we ACTUALLY do it? 

I can give specific times in my life when I felt completely and utterly alone.  The days after my best friend, my grandma, died; the day after we returned home from the hospital after miscarrying our second child; I could keep going, but I really don't want to add more sadness to my already aching heart.  You see, now is one of those lonely times.  Those times when my house can be a non stop parade of noise, but I feel like I am the only one around.  My husband works two jobs, and I just got hired on for an online teaching job.....so he works HARD for us.  And I miss him.  But I am SO thankful for him and how much he loves our family.  Our dog ran away almost 2 weeks ago, and as much as that dog annoyed me, I'm the one that misses her the most.  Friends seem few and far between and my heart is hurting about that.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone who thought was your friend pretty much doesn't act like you exist anymore?  That can be lonely.  Or maybe you are far from your family, and you rarely see them but for the occasional holiday.  Or maybe you are a parent who is dealing with an empty nest.  Maybe you are single, longing for the love that a relationship brings.  These all can be extremely lonely times!  But these are the times when we need to lean on the Lord.  I know, I know, that sounds so over said, but its so true!  It is probably one of the biggest lessons that I need to learn. 

As humans, we need other humans to love us and care for us.  It's just how we were made! As women, that urge is even stronger.  And as much as God wants us to DESPERATELY lean on Him, He also wants to see those desires for friendship fulfilled.....but in HIS time.  In Isaiah, it says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord."  We may not know why the Lord is bringing things like this in our lives, but He ultimately knows best.  I was listening to Frances Chan yesterday in my devotions, and he was saying that all of the stuff we are going through is God's way of making our faith stronger.  It may seems SO HARD as we are going through it, but God is trying us by fire, to make us reflect Him in our lives.  

So as you go through these trials in life, no matter how hard they are, remember the ultimate goal....to become more like Christ, and to have His reflection shine through you.  James 1:1-12 is such a great passage for this.  "Count it all joy, when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." 

God is always there for you.  He is working His perfect work in your heart, and daily we must give ourselves over to that work, and pray for the wisdom we need to allow Him to complete that work in us.  

You're Not Alone

   It's been a while since I have posted, and I just had to share this moment I experienced this morning in the car.
     There us this new song on the radio that I hear from time to time, and I've always liked it.  Some of the words are:

Oh, my soul

You are not alone

There's a place where fear has to face the God you know

One more day, He will make a way

Let Him show you how, you can lay this down

'Cause you're not alone

   It's comforting to know that someone is always with you, but we all have to admit that there are times where we just are plain lonely.  We know that God is with us, we know that He loves us, but we are also human.  Things might happen where we feel like God is so far away (even though He is NOT!), or that we don't have a friend in the world.  I'll be the first to admit that I feel that way ALOT.  

   So I was sitting in my car this morning, waiting for a store to open (hello hurricane prep!), and this song came on.  I was just hanging out, kind of feeling lonely and sorry for myself, when all of a sudden I hear a voice in the backseat SINGING THE SONG.  Now let me explain this singing.  My almost 2 year old doesn't really talk much.  He says words, but not really sentences, if that makes sense.  But he sings.  And when he sings, it's mainly just the last word of a phrase. 

   At first, I think, oh he's just making random words, that's so cute.  But the more the song plays the more I realize he is singing with the song!  For some reason, thosee ugly tears come.  Here I am, sitting in my car feeling sorry for myself, and my 2 year old is in the backseat singing about not being alone (and as I type this he is singing King of the World).  What a wakeup call, right?  My sweet little boy is reminding me in his choppy little singing voice that I am absolutely not alone, ever! He reminds me that God has everything in control, and He is holding me in His hands.
   We live in uncertain times, that much is evident.  We don't know what tomorrow will bring!  Right now, we don't know how hard (if at all) we will get hit by this massive storm.  But there is a truth that is certain.  God has a plan.  He loves us.  And we are not alone.